As many of you may know, our beloved sister hostess SHARON DONOVAN, tragically passed away on 11th April 2012. We who knew her, loved her, and were inspired by her courage and determination to face head on whatever life threw at her. When she could no longer see to paint she turned to writing and showed her amazing talent in the Inspirational Romance and Romantic Suspense genres, and her story 'Charade Of Hearts' was awarded the coveted Predators and Editors Award in January 2011.

This Blog was a source of great delight to her, she was one of the founder hostesses and she contributed to the fun and silliness in her own original way, and was kind enough to let her unique creation, the hunky butler 'Oliver' join us for our Friday romp and prepare 'virtual breakfast' for the guests on the following morning. It's beyond hard to have to go on without her, but we know that she would have been the first to insist that 'the show must go on.' She is, and will always be with us in spirit.
Sharon, dear friend, we will never forget you.
The Author Roast and Toast is part of the legacy you left us. Let's raise a Toast to you as well as all our guests.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Julie Eberhart Painter celebrates her book 'Kill Fee' at the Hilton


Bilgewater the foul mouthed Indian Hill Mynah bird squawks another blaring epithet.

 “Oh Lord!” Sharon covers her ears with evening gloved hands. Her bubble butt jiggles with annoyance.  “If he shrieks one more nasty word, I am just going to pluck his tail feathers.”
 “He seems a little out of place here I would think.” Lyn twirls in her sparkling designer gown, admiring every facet of the Hilton ballroom. Cuddles dances at her big heels. “I never imagined I would be in this place.”

 “Poop deck! Sea scum!” Bilgewater shrieks. He cocks his head, eyeing Patsy’s Popeye arms with evil intent. “Wanna shiver me timbers!”

 “You have to be kidding!” Patsy scowls at the recalcitrant creature as Hampy scrambles for cover. “Where’d you learn all the trash mouth?”

Sharon fiddles with her diamond necklace. “I think he was raised in a seaside dive – or house of ill-repute by the sound of him.”

 “Whatever!” Patsy stalks away, the skirt of her ball dress swaying with each step, calling over her shoulder. “I need a drink! Where’s the bar?”

 “Avast me hearties! Rum! Bring me rum!” The Myna continues his screeching.

Dripping with gemstones, Julie waltzes by in the arms of a handsome stranger. She stops so suddenly after spying them that her partner stumbles.

“Ladies! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“We’re here keeping,” Mary points dramatically, “that…that bird company! Sic ‘m Nibbie!”

“He isn’t so bad.”

Julie pats the cage. Ishmael Merlin Dickey, an ambitious poet takes Julie’s arm. A sly grin wreathes his lips as he intones.

"The grackle's voice is less than mellow, His heart is black, his eye is yellow.”

 Lyn shivers. “What is that?”
 Julie giggles. “Good Intentions, a poem by Ogden Nash.  All about a Myna bird. Appropriate don’t you think?”

Ishmael ducks his head and scurries away as Police Detective Harper glances their direction.

Bilgie cackles with avarian glee!

Mary’s merry face darkens, her lips thin to a straight line. “I can just see him roasted and stuffed with an apple in his mouth.

“Devil’s whoreson!” The Mynah ruffles his feathers as he bobs up and down.

 Oliver strolls up, the epitome of every woman’s dream concierge.

“Bilgewater! Cut the crap! Ladies present!”


Nearby, Marge and Maybelle, two little old frequently married ladies, brighten up as they listen with avid interest for any supposed scandals to liven up their dreary lives.

“Here we go again,” Sharon huffs. “I refuse to listen to that creature any longer.”

Lyn, Sharon and Mary trail after Patsy

“Is the banquet ready?” Julie hovers over Oliver. “I am so starving.” 

 “Just like you ordered,” he smiles winsomely. The table groans beneath copious amounts of southern fried grits, hush puppies, wet scrambled eggs, muffins, sweet potato fries, calamari, catfish…

Julie peruses the milling crowd. “And where is Penny Olsen? She always keeps my Bilgewater company!”

Oliver chuckles as he leads her to the buffet.

Patsy grins: “Penny is with her attorney Cole Martin, over in the corner right now. I don’t think they’re discussing legal issues at the moment.”

Walk the Plank!” Bilgewater’s shriek follows them.

“And what about my poor Bilgewater? What’s he going to eat?”

Oliver motions to the buffet: Made to order - pineapple, bananas, kiwi fruit, papaya, guava, all the tropical fruits good old Bilgewater can stuff down his gullet.

Mary, Lyn, Sharon and Patsy are ensconced by the bar, drowning their sorrows with the Hilton’s best after their encounter with Bilgewater. 

Absolute vodka for Patsy,  honey mead for Lyn, champagne for Mary and Sharon sips a Chardonnay.

“I still say we roast him,” Mary grumbles. The other three agree wholeheartedly as they raise their glasses in a toast.

Here’s to Julie – down with Bilgewater!”
“I haven’t heard so much cussing since I dated a sailor back in college.” Mary peers into the birdcage, jumping back as the Mynah throws himself at the metal bars, pecking like a crazed maniac. She wraps her mink stole closer about her ample bosom.

Without more ado let's welcome Julie Eberhart Painter and the characters from 'KILL FEE'

When Penny Olsen’s uncle is murdered, she inherits fifteen million dollars, servants and his moldy mausoleum, a ninety-eight-year-old beach house on an environmentally sensitive property.

Her attorney, Cole Martin and Penny’s friendship develops as the senior bridge players scoff, mistakenly thinking she’s a gold digger—including her arch-enemy Detective Alexander Harper.

But who, in this town of genteel seniors would kill this beloved man and the editor of EARTH-be-WARE Magazine, an environmental slick? Perhaps the same person or persons who are after Penny. What secret do Penny and Cole share that bonds them together—and almost tears them apart?

Penny Olsen has inherited $15,000,000 from her murdered uncle, whom she adored. Her attorney, Cole Martin, insists she look at the house before deciding to sell it. Upon their return, Cole meets Bilgewater, the Indian Hill Mynah bird, a

Sunday morning Cole Martin rang the bell promptly at nine to pick Penny up for brunch. Bilgewater let out a screech.

“What was that?” Cole asked, jumping back into the hall.

“That's my mynah bird. He's a bit of a reprobate.”

“Hi, handsome, wanna hehehe?” Bilgie said, proving her point.

“Good God, where did he learn to talk like that?”

“He’s had a checkered past.” Penny turned around and walked into the kitchen, motioning for Cole to follow.

She could feel his eyes appraising her every move. Self-consciously she sashayed her hips, keeping a perfect rhythm to some internal tune.

“So this is the infamous bird. What's your name, boy?” he cooed to the bird.

“What’s it to you, Bud beer? 

“Do you like Bud beer?”

“Bud is for losers. Bilgie the budgie wants a Pim’s cup!” he cackled.
“Oh. You're an English mynah, are you?”

“Right ducks! Keep this one, Penelope, he's got potential.”

“Where in the world did he get a word like potential?”

“My ex-boyfriend was a school teacher. He thought all his students had potential. Actually, the Indian Hill Mynah is partial to multiple-syllable words, but he's not a budgie, he's a grackle.”

“Clever of him to pick up on it, though.”

“Fred saw one of these birds in the service. He vowed that he would have one someday, so he bought it for both of us for Christmas the first year we . . . dated. I got Bilgie the next year when we broke up.” 

Penny wanted to get Cole away before the bird swore again. She had to make a good impression on the young lawyer who seemed determined to know all about her. 

As they started out the door, the badmouthed bird let out a final squawk.
“He doesn’t like to be alone,” Penny explained.

“Maybe you can quit your job and stay home with him now,” Cole suggested. He looked at Penny, who blushed. 

“He’s spoiled enough. Come on.”

The odor of sweet rolls and coffee welcomed them as they entered the Hilton. The dining room was almost filled. Eager churchgoers were loading their plates; some going back to the buffet for seconds and thirds.

“It's amazing how some people eat, as if there are no scales in their bathrooms.”

“So true.”

They took their seats and looked at the menus.

“Buffet only?” Cole asked.

“For sure. Instant gratification can’t be equaled. Now, tell me, what did you have in mind when you asked this soon-to-be-rich lady to breakfast? Any ulterior motives?”

Cole gave her a winning smile. “Business of course. Actually, you did come fully recommended.”
“Recommended for what? And by whom?”

“Conrad, naturally. As you would expect, he revealed a great deal about your family while he explained the situation with your mother.”

“Oh, I hadn’t considered that. Of course, he’d have to explain.”

“That he did.”

“My poor mother. I've been thinking a lot about her lately. She didn't have any happiness in her life, except Uncle Connie.” Penny didn't think she would ever be able to call him “Dad.”

“I gather that your father, Emma's husband Herbert, was a humorless man?”

“Mr. Serious, all the way. Not like his brother.”

“Umm, Conrad was really fun fellow. We enjoyed each others’ company.” Cole mused. “Have you thought about how you’re going to live when you have the money your…your birth father left you?”

“Not really.”

“You could live in Conrad's house?”

“You mean that moldy mausoleum on the beach?”

Cole laughed at the description. “Mr. Olsen’s Victorian house is one of the oldest homes on Summerville's beach side, almost a Century home.” He paused. “I guess you weren’t considering it.”

“ 'Fraid not. I want to sell it before the Storm of the Century blows it into the sea.”

“Are you psychic?”

“No, but using the law of averages tells this environmentalist that we are due for a serious storm. So if the mildew hasn't eaten Chez Olsen by the time its mine, it's off to the Realtor I go.”

“Um, do you know a good Realtor?”

“No. Are there any good ones in this town?” Penny asked. “They all look pretty avaricious to me.” Penny'd begun to feel comfortable with Cole since he already knew so much about her; they were well past the “what’s your sign stage.”

When they had finished their brunch, Cole, who had suddenly become quiet, asked Penny if she would like to go out to the house with him—possibly rethink her options. “I don't want to lay a guilt trip on you, Penny, but there are the servants to consider. You may not want to pension them off, especially the cook, who’s only fifty. It's up to you, though.”

“I... don't think I could go in there… so soon.”

“You'll have to go eventually. Why not now?'

“Maybe later, when Uncle Connie’s death is not so vividly replaying in my mind.”

“But you'll be alone then; I'll be with you if we go now.”

“And that would be good, you think?”

“I’m willing to point out some positive features.”
“You sound like a Realtor, but you're probably right. I really should look at it, at least once.” Penny put down her napkin and stood up. “Let's go look at the beach house from the black lagoon.”

Author Biography:
Julie Eberhart Painter, a native of Bucks County, PA, has six novels in print. Previously, she worked with nursing homes as a volunteer coordinator and later as a community ombudsman. She spent eighteen years with a Florida hospice, and contributed to and edited two of their self-help books.
In 2009 and 2010 respectively, Champagne Books published Mortal Coil and Tangled Web. Www.champagnebooks.com released Kill Fee, October 1, when she takes advantage of her knowledge directing a sanctioned duplicate bridge game to create Kill Fee, a cozy mystery in which her main character inherits fifteen million dollars from her “murdered” uncle.

KILL FEE, won the best book award from CTR last week!  Congratulations Julie
See Julie’s Web site at www.books-jepainter.com

Mortal Coil, ebook & paperback
Tangled Web, ebook & paperback
Kill Fee, ebook
Twitter: @JulieEPainter

To win a copy of Julie's book, all you have to do is just leave a comment and your e-mail address.
Contest ends tomorrow and everyone who comments is elligible.


  1. Good morning. Oh Wow usually I am the last one here. LOL. I really love the bird! Too funny. Everyone is dressed so nice and what a feast. Julie you book sounds very good. Congrats on your best book award.
    Sue B

  2. Welcome Sue B, so nice to see you bright and early - fill your plate and see if you can teach this bird some manners while we wait for the other guests to arrive.

  3. Good morning Julie,

    Welcome to your Celebration Roast and congratulations again on your Award!

  4. Good morning, Patsy, dear sister hostess you're looking particularly lovely today!

  5. Sue - welcome! Looking forward to visiting today - not so much with Bilgewater - LOL!

  6. Don't discout Bilgewater. He knows whodunit.

    Help yourseves to the goodies. Our hosts have been especially generous.

  7. By the way, I love all the dresses - mine makes me look so slender - and the other ladies - WOW

  8. *sigh* I love these parties. Hi everyone. *wink* Hi handsome Oliver.

    Julie, congrats again on the wonderful and prestigious CTRR Award. In reading the fab excerpt, I can certainly see how it was selected.

    Also learned some personal things mentioned I hadn't known about you. Goodness what a generous heart you have. Very special.

    To all the great hostesses here (whom I'm extremely proud to know and very fond of) thank you for celebrating this talented author.

    These parties RAQ!

    Hope Sharon is doing well...

  9. Thank you, Karen. I'm very happy you could make the party and especially grateful for your kind words.

  10. What a fun blog! Congrats, Julie, on the release! It sounds like a great read.
    Coffee Time Romance

  11. Hi Kare, lovely to see you again, I hope Oliver's heaped your plate and filled your glass.

    Just heard yesterday Sharon's out of ICU. Isn't that fantastic!

  12. Hi Kimberley

    Thanks so much for stopping by, Julie's book sounds so intriguing doesn't it - and I have to say I'm warming to Bilgewater - what a great name for a bird!

  13. Bilgewater has been my constant virtual companion. I'm hoping to put him in another book very soon.

  14. It is a great name actually and so fitting. He was a skit all by himself.

  15. He's certainly a 'real character' in more ways than one! :)

  16. YAY!! The news about Sharon is wonderful. We should give her a present. Maybe a stuffed bird, Julie. One named Bilgewater? you know...in case he gets knocked off for knowing too much. Hehe. He'd make a lovely gift, don't you think?

  17. Hmmmm - nice thought Karen, except that our Sharon has a bit of a phobia about birds, bless her. (Come from watching too much Aflred HItchcock, LOL)

  18. Mary trudges in, she is a little pee-oed. Bilgewater has taught me some things to say about thunderstorms and the internet. Oh well, the bird has a lot of tenacity and personality for both of us!
    Hi ladies and all. Mary hugs her fellow hostesses, so when do we go undercover???

  19. Lol! Got me on that Hitchcock thing. Creepy. I always think about the times I've seen the residual of all that bird doodoo where a bunch of birds gathered. Can you imagine the amount left in the wake of The Birds? I'm sure Bilgewater is much more civilized with the propr etiquette. Seems pretty sophisticated. Hehehe.

  20. Bilgewater would only drop one on the cat, Cufflynx.

    After seeing THE BIRDS years ago, I always duck, you should excuse the expression, when they come toward me. I almost had a pelican in my windshield once crossing a bridge. His beak would have been the least of my worries.

  21. A wonderful bird is the pelican -
    his beak can hold more than his -

    Bildgwater, stop it, you've got me at it now! :)

  22. One time I was with Chris and a bird pooped right on his head and all down the front of him. Don't laugh, yeah right!
    They missed me! Now I must say Bilgewater has taught me a lot of words I didn't know. And have never considered using!

  23. Hehe

    Julie, I love the names you've come up with. Just darling.

  24. I will admit something. When I was little, no matter where or when, if we were outside, a bird pooped on my head. I used to cry cuz I'd get so mad. And then when I was an adult, the whole family went to the shore in Oregon and we were all walking down the beach and a seagull pooped on my head! I was so furious and every laughed cuz they all remembered.

  25. Maybe it's good luck? If it don't get in your eye, I think so anyways!

  26. His beak can hold more than his belly can." I love Ogden Nash, too. In the
    40's his newest poems were featured in The Philadelphia Bulletin in The Optomist Column, written my my parent's friend, Lee Mitchell Hodges. Now there's a bit of remote trivia for you Trivial Pursuit and Jeopardy fans.

  27. LOL Patsy, that's funny, but I feel for you too!

    That's a fascinating bit of history, Julie!

  28. Isn't it supposed to be good luck?
    So let's all have a toast. To Bilgewater, may he always have the gift of gab!
    Those birds live a long time don't they?

  29. Hey ladies/ A little hush please if I may - yes that especially includes you Bilgewater!

    Here's another excerpt form Julies fantastic book. Are you sitting comfortably?

    Ishmael Merlin Dickey poet, egotist and all around tool is hung over and asking for our heroine's lawyer/boyfriend's help. Even though he calls for help from jail, his manners are

    Penny answers the phone in the hotel room.

    “Mr. Martin, Cole Martin, the lawyer? He there?”

    “Yes, he's here, but--”

    “ I need to talk to him.”

    “Ishmael?” Penny asked. When he said nothing more, she extended the phone to Cole, who took it, puzzled

    “Cole Martin, here. What can I--”

    “This is Ishmael Merlin Dickey. Ms. Olsen mentioned that you were an attorney. I'm in trouble, man. The cops want to fry me for that agent's murder. I'm bein' held down here for questioning, and I got a head on me… and I need a lawyer… of course, when I heard you were coming' here I thought of you--”

    “Who in the hell is this, did you say?”

    “Ishmael Merlin Dickey, the environmentalist poet. They don't like me, man. Get down here and bring me a gallon a tomato juice.”

    “Mr. Dickey, what makes you think I would want anything to do with you? And where is here. I'm not licensed to practice wherever here is.”

    “Support your local writer. You're from Florida; I'm from Florida.” Ishmael slurred his words. “We're stuck in Georgia…”

    Cole watched Penny take the ice bucket to the bathroom to rinse it out before heading to the ice machine down the hall. He turned from the phone, shaking his head, felt himself weakening, and reached for his jacket.

    “I can't actually take your case, Mr. Dickey. I'm a Probate Estate Administrator, but I will come down to the jail while the police question you. Do you have anything that would constitute a retainer? I'll get someone I know here in town to talk with you tomorrow. He'll do a good job for you if I asked.”

    “The cops said that they would release a dollar for me to give to you as a retainer. I'm here on a drunk and disorderly.”

    When Penny came back with the ice, Cole said, “How do I get myself into these things? Where's the jail in this town?”

    Penny pinched Cole's cheek. “You're one of the good guys, that's how. Ask at the desk for the nearest jail.”

  30. Great excerpt! Now about my lawyer...

  31. Had to come and check if Bilgewater was getting into anymore trouble. LOL. Do you have any desserts left? Julie I love the new except.
    Sue B

  32. Great excerpt! The plot thickens! ACCCKKK - Bilgewater is throwing fruit out of his cage!

  33. BeforeI go to dinner, I want to thank the hosts of Roast and Toast for a fun day, great presentations and participation. All the wonderful imagination that went into this is beyond my wildest hopes.

    My daughter, who never reads fiction, has seen this and purchased my book for her tablet.

    Sue B., Hywela - comrade in Welsh blood - ,P. L. Parker and Karen, so glad you showed up. Kimberley and Mary, great to have like-minded people visit.

    Bilgewater would say goodbye, but I had to drop a cloth over his cage, he was complaining about being called a bird. He thinks he's proessional crime fighter. Ego problem, he has more vocabulary than the African Grey Parrot, though they do live longer, maybe because they know when to keep their words short.

    See you later...

  34. Have a great evening everyone. Oliver is out and about, but, will be serving breakfast in the morning, if we're lucky.
    Ladies, you are all exceptional! Bilgewater what a bad boy.

  35. Good evening Julie, you've been a fantastic guest of honour. I'll hang around for a while in case we get any latecomers, otherwise, we'll see you all for breakfast tomorrow.

    You know something - since you put that cover over Bilgwater's cave - hasnt it gone quiet!

    I wonder if we could have another excerpt from your book - that last one really had me intrigued!

  36. Hi Ladies (& Oliver)!!! It's been way too long since I last joined the party here. Everything looks wonderful as usual. (((cyberhugs all around)))

    Julie, your book sounds INCREDIBLE!Congrat's on winning over at Coffee Time Romance! :-)

    I'd love to stay longer but the 'writing bug' has bitten and it's time to get to work. Wishing you all a fabulous weekend!

  37. Detective Harper and his gang are your typical Keystone-Kops

    The police came up with no further information. Baffled by the strange circumstances of Conrad Olsen's death, Detective Harper, his stubby body thrust forward in war mode, lashed out at his staff as if they had failed him at a personal level. “First of all, you jerk-offs, whose idea was it to investigate this as a murder?”

    “Sir, those ladies said he'd been murdered.”

    “Boswell, don't you have a grandmother somewhere who's a little loose in the head? Would you believe everything she told you?”

    “But sir…. well, no sir.”

    “Dexter, was this your doing?”

    “No sir, I think you told us to check it out.”

    “I was in my car, you dummies, of course I told you to check it out. I tell you to check everything out.” Harper turned around so that his two officers couldn't see his embarrassment. This wasn't something he should have gotten into, but he was not going to tolerate having his authority challenged. When he felt his face returning to its natural color, he turned back, trying to look like he'd been considering some special plan.

    “Tell you what we're gonna do. Boswell, you get on the phone; call every doctor in this city and also up in Coral Beach. Ask them if they ever treated Conrad Olsen, and if so, did they prescribe heart medication for him.”

    “But what if they tell me it's confidential?”

    “Tell them the man is dead. That ought to scare 'em. They'll think the relatives are planning a malpractice suit. Tell them we can get a court order. Explain that we're trying to trace the source of the drug.”

    “Yes sir.” Boswell stood up.

    “Dexter, your job is to prove someone killed that poor geezer. I want you to talk to everyone who knew him, including his niece, his friends, his relatives in god-knows-where... We have some information on the man.” He riffled among his papers and extracted a small folder. “Talk to that lawyer of his, Martin. Find out what he knows. Now move!”

    After his men had scurried out of the room, Detective Harper put his face in his hands and rubbed his temples, “Dad-blast-it, I hope it doesn't turn out that cute piece of ass offed her own uncle. What a waste that would be.”

  38. Sky, dear friend, welcome to Julie's Party! Yes, her book sounds like an amazing read doesn't it! Another one for the 'Gotta Read' list! \noyt surprised it won the 'Best Book' award.

    Hugs back, and make sure you grab some refreshments before you leave.

  39. For Sharon and the rest of the staff as well as the visitors, again, thank you so much. This has been the most virtual fun I've ever had. Hats off to you Oliver -- big tip coming your way: umm-ah.

  40. We've loved having you, Julie, you've been a fantastic guest, and we wish you many, many sales with 'Kill Fee', it sounds an amazing read!

  41. Thanks for joining us Julie! Thanks to Bilgewater too for his "comments." Much good luck with Kill Fee!

  42. Sorry I'm very late to the party, Julie! That bird has quite a repertoire - love the excerpt. I'll just have some of that lovely fruit now, if I may, since it's breakfast time here. Thank you, Oliver, glad to see you're still around!

  43. I am very late for the party, but I still see food out.

    KILL FEE looks wonderful.


  44. Hi Rosemary

    No worries, the Roast is usually open over the weekend to allway for latecomers - always welcome and I think I smell the aroma of brunch coming from the kitchens where Oliver is supervising, if you'd like something a bit more substantial to go with your fruit!

  45. Hi Marybelle.,

    Welcome to Julie's party. Yes, plenty of virtual food still left! :)

  46. Good morning again from the east coast of Florida where it's suddenly a chilly 45 degrees.

    Oliver cooks? He is perfect.

    Welcome Rosemary. Bring the scones, Scottish style. I gained 10 punds on the tea breaks during our Scottish tour. And welcome to Sky and Marybelle. It's never to late in a virtual kitchen.

  47. Mmm. That buffet sure looks good. And here I am supposed to be on a diet! Love all the quirky characters, too.

  48. Hi Ute

    Thanks for joining us to celebrate Julie's book - don't worry about the diet, the food at the Roast is full of flavour but completely devoid of calories!:)

    Yes, her characters are wonderfully 'quirky' aren't they, can't wait to read the book!

  49. Good morning Julie, hope you're enjoying your virtual Scottish Scones.

    Yes Oliver can cook, Sharon originally hired him as her butler because of his culinary skills, but he has many more strings to his bow as well. We're very lucky she allows him to 'moonlight' for us at the Roast!

  50. Thank you for the scones.

    I was thrilled to find Oliver is such a gentleman, properly dress and ready to serve the participants.

  51. Oh yes, he's a perfect gentleman and always looks the part! Did you know he stars as the hero in Sharon's boo 'Charade Of Hearts'?

  52. Time for another excerpt!

    The Kill Fee title comes from a canceled piece of previously purchased literature such as the magazine article my main character Penny supplied suggesting who might have murdered her uncle and the editor of EARTH-be-WARE Magazine.

    The scenes for the duplicate bridge story derive from my directing duplicate bridge for the ACBL, a national organization. The people I met there all characters. Kill Fee is a fun romp through the world of tournament play as well as environmental publication.

    The two sisters in the excerpt below are based on real people, Marge and Maybelle, greatly changed and long dead.


    When Penny Olsen's uncle dies, she inherits fifteen million dollars, servants and his moldy mausoleum, a ninety-eight year old beach house on an environmentally sensitive property.

    But who in this town of genteel seniors would kill this beloved man and the editor of EARTH-be-WARE Magazine? Perhaps the same people who are after Penny. What secret do Penny and Cole share that bonds them together and almost tears them apart?

    Marge and Maybelle, the multiply married McNishes show their true colors

    “My goodness, I haven't seen that much excitement over bridge in a coon's age.” Marge opened the refrigerator and brought out the Brie. Every evening the McNish sisters had cheese and crackers along with “a little fortification” before taking the elevator down to the dining room.

    “I hope they don't have Cordon bleu again tonight. I'm so tired of that; it's dry as an old saddle.” Marge handed Maybelle her martini with two olives, placed her Scotch and Perrier on the coffee table, and went outside into the hallway to retrieve the local newsletter.

    “I guess Conrad's obit won't be in the paper until tomorrow.”

    “Maybelle, the man's not cold yet. What are you thinking?”

    “I just can't wait to see how much money he left her, you know, the niece.”

    “Mph, that cute little Miss Penny Olsen?”

    “She was his only relative.”

    “She's young; she can use the money,” Marge said.

    “Were we ever that young?” Maybelle wondered.

    “Once, but I've forgotten.” She laughed. “Conrad had so many wives to support over the years, he probably didn't have much money left,” Marge said.

    “She won't get a cent if she murdered him--”

    “Maybelle! Mind your tongue. The man was eighty. He just gave out.”

    “He has looked puny lately. Are you ready for another drink, dear?”

    “You know I am.”

  53. Marge and Maybelle are two of my favorites. The McNishes are spicy ladies. They'd like Oliver. And perhaps Oliver could teach Bilgewaer a few nice words to say to them.

  54. Oh I think Oliver likes Marge and Maybelle, the way he's flirting with them, and don't they just love it! (Of course they don't realise he flirts with all the ladies all the time, although his heart belongs to Sharon).

    I heard him trying to teach Bilgewater to say sweet, sophisticated words a while ago. (Ever seen a grown man cry, not funny! :) )

  55. Please tell Oliver that I am draping Bilgewater for the night. He's been a very bad boy.

    Apologies to Oliver. I feel for him -- I mean I feel bad for him, or badly, or just...helpless in the beak of reality.

    Thank you everyone. You've been amazing, and your fame has spread among all my friends, coworkers, acquaintances, relatives...

  56. LOL don't worry about Oliver, he'll get over it, he's just not used to failure *grin*.

    You've been a fantastic Guest of Honour, we've really loved having you and your wacky characters (including Bilgewater) and we hope 'Kill Fee' sells trillions!


This is an interractive blog - please feel free to pop in and comment throughout the Roast as much as you like - and remember to leave your email address if you wish to be put in the draw to win this week's prize.